Living With Depression (Like She’s a Roommate)

When I was diagnosed with depression almost four years ago, my therapist made a really good (figurative) visual to explain how emotions are felt differently for people with depression than “normal” people. Since I’m describing this textually, I’ll use a number system.


So, on an average day, normal people are neutral, 0. Depressed people are -2. If something good/great happens to someone, normal people are +2, by contrast, depressed people are 0. If something bad happens to someone, normal people are -2, and, by contrast, depressed people are -4.

I had a really defining moment of realizing this today. Sunday was a “crawl in the bed and never wake up” kind of day. And then I woke up today and managed to get through the day without generating a single deprecating thought. I even worked out. It made me feel 0, and it was amazing. I had to work the usual 10.5 hour day and actually could.

I thought of doing something good for myself – like eat nuts and fruit and got my body moving – and actually did!

And for a second, I thought, “I’m okay! Maybe I’m really okay and this will go away!” And then I realized that these are the kinds of things normal people do everyday.

All the time.

Normal people go to work, go grocery shopping, socialize, work out, the whole nine. Everyday, easily. And then, I’m back to -2.

Breakthrough
Unfinished
Original
Tiny
Smoke
Rearrange
Transmogrify
Eerie
Giant
Bridge
Bludgeon
Sincere

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20 Replies to “Living With Depression (Like She’s a Roommate)”

  1. I don’t know you, but I’m very proud of you! It is amazing that you managed to do all these things. And very unfortunate that by comparing yourself to others, you felt insufficient. (A lot of “normal” people do the same thing: depreciate themselves through comparison. One example: stupidly I myself! But often we forget that behind the facade of the others, there lurks their own insecurities and doubts – nobody is perfect!)
    I sadly had to witness this evil sickness consuming a person I love with all my heart and soul. This illness is such an fiendish monster. I could see how achieving “normal” things were hard work, too many times an impossible mission. Everyday life is scary and intimidating, death appears strangely attractive. And watching this, co-experiencing this, it can become dangerously contagious. Luckily now, after almost three years of treatment, it’s uphill – finally. Hopefully you’ll get there, too. 🙂 Best wishes!

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  2. I have struggled with depression on and off throughout my life. After my husband committed suicide, I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and put on three medicines and they didn’t take the fog away for two-and-half years until they took the last one up to the highest dosage like the others were. A month or so ago, I ran out of one and decided to not get a new script. Wow! That was bad. I figured I was on two other ones and figured I’d be fine. Let’s just say I won’t be doing that again. I’ve also been put on Trazedone to sleep and Clonidine to help not remember the nightmares I still have.

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  3. I hope you have many more days like the one you described. I finally came to the point that I realized it’s doesn’t make me a bad person because I struggle. It’s just my chemical make-up and I, fortunately, have found the right mix of drugs that help and don’t give me side-effects. I wish you many more 0 days with some 2’s progressively more coming into your days.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It takes courage and strength to say things so clearly. I admire that.
    I hope you don’t mind me nominating you for the Three Day, Three Quotes challenge.
    Rules of the challenge:

    1.Three quote for three days.
    2.Three nominees each day(no repetition).
    3.Thank the person who nominated you.
    4.Inform the nominees.
    Thank you, and thanks also for your insightful piece on depression. Many people just struggle in silence and it does no one any good.

    Like

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