It’s common for people to fester in their own negative thoughts. Their own self-inflicted deprecation that probably derives from something in their past or their present, or something that’s been drilled into their consciousness by social standards.
When you look in the mirror you probably think you’re looking at something mediocre, sub-par, just never quite good enough for your taste.
When you go shopping for new clothes you probably compare yourself to the mannequins or the models in the ads or maybe even fitter people around you.
When you see yourself in photos, you’ll zoom in as far as you can to analyze the tone and texture of your skin, how your clothes hug your body, the movement of your hair – even though it’s a still image.
When you have sex, you probably dim the lights, make sure you don’t fuck in certain positions, wear an extra thing or two to distract your partner’s sight.
When you talk, you probably hear sounds that you’re annoyed with, a laugh that’s not fun to listen to, or maybe a speech quirk that you’re so embarrassed by.
When you go to sleep at night, maybe you lay there wishing a bunch of positive changes upon yourself, hoping you’ll wake up and magically you’ll be the person you’ve always dreamt of.
Well guess the hell what, fantasy is fantasy for a reason! (Maybe that’s too harsh…)
It’s totally understandable to believe something to the fullest if it’s all you’ve ever been exposed to. But at some point, you’re responsible for breaking the cycle. For the sake of your mental and physical health and everyone around you. We all know that misery loves company, but think about what it’s like to be on the opposite end of that. It isn’t so fun anymore.
Sure, it’s much easier said than done.
However, it’s not impossible.
It takes loads of individual work to get to where you want to be and not that it’s the cure to compare yourself to others, but consider how much worse other people in the world have it compared to you. You can complain about your hair – it’s texture, it’s thickness, it’s color, it’s health, but try to put that effort elsewhere. Instead of berating little things you don’t like, try to praise the things you’re blessed with.
Your heart – it’s beating.
Your lungs are keeping the oxygen in your body moving.
Your eyes are blinking and allow you to see.
Your legs are keeping you mobile.
Your back is sustaining your weight.
Your hands enable you to do soo so much!
Be kinder to yourself and watch your mind and body respond in incredible ways. Maybe that damn headache that’s been bothering you for a while will go away. Magic! Maybe your nails and hair will grow in stronger than ever. Magic! Maybe your digestive system will process food a bit faster.
There’s no need to constantly punish yourself. Rather, be your own friend, your own support system, your own motivation, your own lover. Because you absolutely CAN be all that and so much more!
Hell, I’m no doctor. I’m not in any way accredited to preach this way. I’m only speaking from experience. A few years ago, I went through a gnarly break-up (gnarly as in very painstaking, not gnarly as in super cool, okay, moving on) which caused me to lose a lot of hair and gain a bunch of weight. I was beating myself up about it all the time. I’d look at my chubby hands and call them pieces of shit because they were the sore reminder of the hands that no longer clenched them. I’d feel my brittle hair – what was left of it – and threaten to chop it all off because it wasn’t being good. Since when can hair be blamed for its behavior!? So dumb!
Eventually, I became so exhausted with all the self-bashing that I stopped doing it. That’s not to say that it was like day-to-night. Nah. I just didn’t think anything. And then that transitioned into better, easier thoughts of myself. Like, hey hair, we’re gonna get better. Like, hey hands, thanks for helping through everything.
My point is: try to be kinder to yourself. Even if that means you just stop the roasting. Even if it means you don’t say anything at all. Neutral is better than negative is better than faux-positive.
Be my guest and give this a chance.