It’s common for people to fester in their own negative thoughts. Their own self-inflicted deprecation that probably derives from something in their past or their present, or something that’s been drilled into their consciousness by social standards.

When you look in the mirror you probably think you’re looking at something mediocre, sub-par, just never quite good enough for your taste.

When you go shopping for new clothes you probably compare yourself to the mannequins or the models in the ads or maybe even fitter people around you.

When you see yourself in photos, you’ll zoom in as far as you can to analyze the tone and texture of your skin, how your clothes hug your body, the movement of your hair – even though it’s a still image.

When you have sex, you probably dim the lights, make sure you don’t fuck in certain positions, wear an extra thing or two to distract your partner’s sight.

When you talk, you probably hear sounds that you’re annoyed with, a laugh that’s not fun to listen to, or maybe a speech quirk that you’re so embarrassed by.

When you go to sleep at night, maybe you lay there wishing a bunch of positive changes upon yourself, hoping you’ll wake up and magically you’ll be the person you’ve always dreamt of.

Well guess the hell what, fantasy is fantasy for a reason! (Maybe that’s too harsh…)

It’s totally understandable to believe something to the fullest if it’s all you’ve ever been exposed to. But at some point, you’re responsible for breaking the cycle. For the sake of your mental and physical health and everyone around you. We all know that misery loves company, but think about what it’s like to be on the opposite end of that. It isn’t so fun anymore.

Sure, it’s much easier said than done.

However, it’s not impossible.

It takes loads of individual work to get to where you want to be and not that it’s the cure to compare yourself to others, but consider how much worse other people in the world have it compared to you. You can complain about your hair – it’s texture, it’s thickness, it’s color, it’s health, but try to put that effort elsewhere. Instead of berating little things you don’t like, try to praise the things you’re blessed with.

Your heart – it’s beating.

Your lungs are keeping the oxygen in your body moving.

Your eyes are blinking and allow you to see.

Your legs are keeping you mobile.

Your back is sustaining your weight.

Your hands enable you to do soo so much!

Be kinder to yourself and watch your mind and body respond in incredible ways. Maybe that damn headache that’s been bothering you for a while will go away. Magic! Maybe your nails and hair will grow in stronger than ever. Magic! Maybe your digestive system will process food a bit faster.

There’s no need to constantly punish yourself. Rather, be your own friend, your own support system, your own motivation, your own lover. Because you absolutely CAN be all that and so much more!

Hell, I’m no doctor. I’m not in any way accredited to preach this way. I’m only speaking from experience. A few years ago, I went through a gnarly break-up (gnarly as in very painstaking, not gnarly as in super cool, okay, moving on) which caused me to lose a lot of hair and gain a bunch of weight. I was beating myself up about it all the time. I’d look at my chubby hands and call them pieces of shit because they were the sore reminder of the hands that no longer clenched them. I’d feel my brittle hair – what was left of it – and threaten to chop it all off because it wasn’t being good. Since when can hair be blamed for its behavior!? So dumb!

Eventually, I became so exhausted with all the self-bashing that I stopped doing it. That’s not to say that it was like day-to-night. Nah. I just didn’t think anything. And then that transitioned into better, easier thoughts of myself. Like, hey hair, we’re gonna get better. Like, hey hands, thanks for helping through everything. 

My point is: try to be kinder to yourself. Even if that means you just stop the roasting. Even if it means you don’t say anything at all. Neutral is better than negative is better than faux-positive.

Be my guest and give this a chance.



25 Replies to “Punishment”

      1. Thank you! I’ve been trying to stay away from my usual writing… have gotten the feedback that it’s “too heavy”, so I’m incorporating it in a more approachable way.
        Hope it’s working!!


  1. Brutally honest, but the truth! We’re bombarded by the media with perfect images everyday. It’s no wonder there are so many people unhappy with who they are. We have to embrace our uniqueness. Thank you for the post!!


  2. You do know how to drive your points home. Well done!
    You know I have this certain set of people in my life who bother me about being in a relationship. I do want to be in one and I’m not that bad looking or something. I just feel it’s not the right time. However, these people do drive me crazy and make me want to ask the next girl I meet down the street for a relationship. It’s crazy how people’s opinions weigh more than our personal opinions about us. I think…Fuck it! Iffa m gonna become a priest! Whose business?! MyOpinionsMatter!


    1. Firstly, thank you!
      As for your friends bugging you… You’re absolutely right! Your opinions DO matter and they’re the most important. Everyone else’s should serve as supplemental. You know when you’ll be good and ready to get involved with a relationship. Give ’em hell! They’ll get it eventually

      Liked by 1 person

  3. To accept your self and your body the way it is watch the movie eat pray love.

    And for the ex-lover you want to chop your hair for, if you loved him so much that you had to opt for emotional eating to comfort yourself, trust me it’s his loss. He’s never getting a girl who would put on weight to get over him.

    And as of being blessed for a roof and food. Be grateful but just because others don’t have legs doesn’t mean you should make peace with having one leg.

    And these are physiological needs, basics refer Maslow’s need hierarchy theory, Google it. Once you rise above the basic next comes social acceptance. And when that’s done self esteem and self awareness where you give a damn to people and shift from being a people pleaser to self pleaser
    All you got for most of your life is you. Be kind and accepting to yourself without being judgmental and like wise be open to people

    I hope you get a guy who would be happy to eat more to match your body rather than asking you to shed weight or change

    Don’t bother about people’s perception. Nobody sheds a tear for your pain so why bother
    Make peace with yourself


  4. We are indeed our own worse enemy at times! Sometimes it feels like we’re just caught in the cross-fire of our own internal war. The most absurd thing is however, is that this is mostly caused by chemical changes, and how stimuli has caused chemicals to behave differently. Pertinent point about kindness: I’ve learned after many years that the best way to win is to surrender.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. An interesting read, we should be kinder but… we all need to be aware that staying healthy brings longevity. In an ever increasing world of disease and obesity we can’t afford to not make ourselves aware , just be kinder about it and stop coveting someone else’s shape or weight or wallet. Thank you for re posting this.


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