Engrossed

BUSY BEE, that’s become my lifestyle as of late.

Wake up at 5:30ish. Shower – a refreshing self care routine. Get dressed. Put on my face. Have breakfast. Crack some dumb joke to my nephew to get him out of bed. Help him get ready for school. And out the door for work. Listen to the Woody Show (but really Woody is the lamest one). Make it to work with about 5 minutes to spare.

It’s 7:30ish by meow and it’s time to COFFEE. Hazelnut, my favorite! Go through the customary

“Good morning!”

“Hi, good morning”

“How’re you doing?”

“As well as I could be on a Monday”

hahahahaha YOU’RE FUNNY” 

“I F Y O U S A Y S O!”

These passerby conversations take up a half hour at least, so I’m all about it! When classes start at 8:30ish, the coffee has become a catalyst for the day. That’s an overstatement. It gets me to about 12:30ish when it’s lunch time. At which point I feel those tummy grumbles take over my mind and body and I’m no longer present. “Ms. Montijo, what does hierarchy mean?” A valid question from xyz student, but come on man, we covered this yesterday! I take a deep breath and explain once with the definition, twice with a personal example, and thrice with a broader symbol – like police jurisdiction. “Do you understand now, son?!” Asking for both transparency and conveying my annoyance all the same. I’m aware of my irritability, but I’m hungry! Voice inside tell me, that’s no excuse. I know.

I am consumed by classes and hunger all day. I’ve determined it’s my job to do the most at my job. Constantly supporting my Dreamers, letting them know that a language barrier can be surmounted with enough effort and focus. I’m preaching to the choir. But this is what I have. My job is the perfect distraction. No one at work (with the exception of my boss) knows what’s going on in my personal life. And I like to keep it that way. They say to never mix work with pleasure. Well, in this case, it’s more like never mix work with misery.

3:30ish comes around and I’m bummed again. Waiting in stand-still traffic for the next thing to happen. Some days it’s running errands for my brother and his family in exchange for a place to stay. Other days I’m a mentor for a high school college readiness program. And hopefully I’ve be selected for a terrific women’s choral group. On the weekends I stay with my boyfriend – he’s literally the best. Don’t argue with me about it ❤

All in all, I don’t get much time to myself and I couldn’t be happier about that. I spend enough time in my own head to figure out what I have to get done on the daily. All other time, I’m fiercely devoted to something and/or someone else. It helps to keep me away from awful thoughts. Helps to stay focus on the end goal.

This isn’t to say that I can’t be alone. No. I’ve come to appreciate my own company. However, I’ve also recognized that too much alone time grants space for wallowing. Despondence. Abrasion of ludicrous phobias. Hypothetical paranoia. STOP!

So for the meantime, busyness is my solution. To be profoundly involved in any given task is my coping mechanism.

Fierce
Pretend
Facade

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4 Replies to “Engrossed”

  1. I think that there is a lot of truth to this theory! I recently started work again I’m a TA so I get summer holidays off. It was nice at first, but the lack of structure just made drink more and thus feel worse about myself. So while it can be tiring working with young children, it both keeps me busy and is rewarding in its own right 🙂

    Like

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